My Struggle with the Worlds Perception of Beauty

My Struggle with the Worlds Perception of Beauty

Over the past weeks happenings (multiple photo shoots) and a starting obsession with Nip/Tuck, I can’t help but speak out on our worlds misconstrued vision of beauty.

First up I need you all to understand that most of what we see in the beauty/fashion industry is a downright LIE.  I am not accusing models of not being beautiful, of makeup not performing certain effects or of clothes not actually being as impeccable as they appear… however through photography effects, photoshop and some MAJOR editing the end results of everyday media are usually a VERY different take on their original reality.

It has been bothering me, as well as my boyfriend (he came with me to one of the shoots and could not believe the insane transformation process) to see the extremes and all the hard work put into making the images of perfection we are bombarded with every single day. This goes for the ladies as well as all the gents out there.

I do not understand peoples obsession and persistence to obtain physical perfection.  I DO understand how good it feels to get a haircut, your nails painted and the confidence the perfect shade of lipstick can bring.  Plastic surgery and eating disorders I do not.  Not to say I haven’t been there myself.

When I was seventeen I was signed to a modeling agency.  The first thing I was told (weighing 120lbs and standing five feet ten inches tall) was that I had to lose an inch and a half off of my waist.  I told them (and myself) they were crazy.  However, after a while the idea started to seep into my head a bit.  I would be cast for fashion shows where the producers would reduce girls to tears from telling them not to eat the whole weekend before the show.  I would see girls half my size sipping on Slimfast, dining on celery sticks and almonds – nothing else.  I was told that if I lost that weight I could be international – that they would send me to New York.  How could it not get to/influence me?

I became paranoid of eating anything with any kind of fat.  Butter on bread, vegetables like avocado and olives, even 2% milk for Christ’s sake!  I became fearful of fat and that I would not be “beautiful” or “professional” unless I dropped the weight.  At a certain point the only thing I was eating was carrot sticks.  I cringe reflecting back to this point in my life where my actions seem so foreign to me now.  Now, I would tell all those idiots to go and shove it.  Back then however I was young, naive and vulnerable to these mind malleability’s.  At a certain point my skin turned a yellowish hue, I experienced extreme fatigue and my hair began to fall out in unhealthy amounts.  My body was crying for some proper nutrition.  Not to mention I had a full time course load, almost full time job, boyfriend and two families to divide time between.

I don’t remember exactly when or why I snapped out of my “thin hypnotism”, but I do remember that it was out of being scared straight.  With the unhealthy state of my body, I had finally grabbed my reality goggles and looked myself in the mirror.  After I saw this empty shell of a person who had put all her dreams, efforts and wills into being skinnier I was able to realize the wasted effort and energy and move on to perfecting myself in more beneficial ways.  Through my projects, my passions, my work and my family and boyfriend.

I have never told anyone this.  At the time it was something I struggled with in silence because deep down I knew how silly it really was.  How everyone would accuse me of being crazy.  I was and am lucky because I am very strong and stubborn – and something inside of me kicked my ass back to the real world (like it always seems to do).  Some others are not so lucky though.  When you are dealing with depression it is impossible to pick yourself off the floor and make the right decisions for yourself – sometimes you need that guardian angel to save you.

So ladies and wonderful gents of the world.  I understand that everyone wants to feel good about themselves.  That that is a HUGE benefit to falling in love with fashion, cosmetics and personal style.  But please, do not let your exterior define you.  Because no matter how much surgery, botox, lipstick or dieting you may impose on yourself it will never hide or change the person within.  The beauty that shines through everything you do.  Keep reminding yourself whenever you feel down from reading a magazine or watching a fashion show the sacrifices these people are making to be like this – and that their unhealthy mentality is not beautiful.  Despite what people may think of me, I have the same ups and downs and intimidations as everyone else.  I feel lows and highs and are over critical of myself.  All we can really do is pay more attention to ourselves and master the art of loving every part of our bodies.

I challenge you all to take a moment to look in the mirror and smile at everything that makes you beautiful.  To just take one moment to relish some much needed self appreciation.

We are human, not meant to be perfect and never will be.

Stop trying to fix what ain’t broke!

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